LADIES, TAKE OFF YOUR BOXING GLOVES

Time To Surrender

A Teaching for Wives, Mothers & Women Who Desire Marriage

“To See Change, You Must First Present Change”

Before You Can Be a Wife, You Must Understand What a Wife Is
Many women desire marriage, but few understand the spiritual identity of a wife.
A wife is not created at the altar. 
She is not activated by a ring. 
She is not formed by a proposal.
A wife is a position, a posture, a spirit, a character.

Proverbs 18:22
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”

He finds a wife, meaning she was already walking in that identity before he arrived.

Pocketbook Reflection:
Are you living like a wife or like a placeholder? 
Are you preparing for covenant or settling for companionship ?
Are you presenting the fruit of a wife or the habits of a girlfriend ?

A man may couple with anything/one. 
But he marries who he respects.

Women Who Are “Coupled” but Not “Chosen”

Some women are consistently:
– dated 
– entertained 
– lived with 
– slept with 
– but never chosen

Why?

Because coupling requires comfort, 
but marriage requires character.

Proverbs 31:10
“Who can find a virtuous woman? For her worth is far above rubies.”

Virtue is rare. 
Discipline is rare. 
Accountability is rare. 
Consistency is rare. 
Submission to God is rare.

If you want to be chosen, you must become choosable, not by lowering standards, but by raising your spiritual posture.

Wives, You Cannot Be Led If You Refuse to Follow

Many wives want a leader but resist leadership.

Ephesians 5:22–23
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands… For the husband is the head of the wife…”

Submission is:
– alignment 
– order 
– protection 
– partnership 

A wife who refuses alignment becomes:
– combative 
– controlling 
– resentful 
– spiritually out of order 

A man cannot lead a woman who is spiritually out of order.
You cannot ask for leadership while holding the steering wheel.
While at the same time:
A Husband Cannot Lead If He Is Not Submitted to God
Leadership is not dominance. 
Leadership is not entitlement. 
Leadership is not ego.

1 Corinthians 11:3
“The head of every man is Christ…”

A man cannot:
– lead a home he does not pray for 
– guide a wife he does not cover 
– protect a family he does not spiritually anchor 
A husband must be submitted to Christ before a wife can safely submit to him.

The Living Autopsy of Your Man

Before you judge him, pause and ask:

Do you know the makeup of your man?
– What shaped him 
– What wounded him 
– What he never received 
– What he learned too early 
– What he learned too late 
– What he had to survive 
– What he had to hide 
– What he had to carry alone 

Proverbs 20:5
“The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.”

You cannot love a man you have not studied. 
You cannot follow a man you have not understood. 
You cannot love a man you have not spiritually examined.

This is the living autopsy, not to expose him or heal him but to understand him.

Study him the way you want to be understood.

To Understand His Pain, You Must First Heal Yourself

You cannot interpret his wounds through your wounds.

Matthew 7:5
“First remove the beam from your own eye, then you will see clearly…”

Your:
– tone 
– triggers 
– trauma 
– distrust 
– independence 
– fear 
– pride 

…all shape how you respond to him.

Romans 12:2
“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind…”

Your perspective must change before your marriage can.

Proverbs 15:1
“A soft answer turns away wrath…”

Your tone can either heal or harden him.
You cannot hear his heart if your pain is louder than his truth.

The Transformation Begins With You

This applies to:
– wives 
– husbands 
– mothers 
– unmarried women 

1 Peter 3:1–2
“Wives, win your husbands without a word by your conduct…”

Your transformation is the loudest sermon you will ever preach.

Galatians 6:1
“Restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness…”

Restoration requires gentleness, not force.
Your change creates the atmosphere for his change.

THE CORE MESSAGE FOR ALL WOMEN

Wives:
Heal yourself so you can honor his leadership.

Mothers:
Heal yourself so your sons learn healthy manhood and your daughters learn healthy womanhood.

Single women:
Heal yourself so you can be found as a wife, not kept as a convenience.

All women:
To see change, you must first present change. 
Take your gloves off. 
Healing is not a fight, it is a surrender.

COMPANION REFLECTION

For the Chapter: “BOXING: Ladies, Take Your Gloves Off”

This reflection page is designed to slow you down, turn teaching into transformation, and help you examine your heart with honesty, scripture, and intention. 
Slip it into your Pocketbook as a reminder that healing is a journey and you are walking it with God.

1. SELF‑EXAMINATION: “What Am I Really Carrying?”

Reflection Questions
– What wounds am I still responding from 
– What habits have I normalized that are actually survival, not softness 
– What part of me resists being led 
– What part of me fears surrender 
– What part of me still believes I must protect myself 

Scripture to Sit With 
Psalm 139:23–24 
“Search me, O God, and know my heart… and lead me in the way everlasting.”

Write down the “gloves” you’ve been wearing — the defenses, tones, attitudes, or fears that keep you in fight mode.

2. REFLECTING ON MEN: “Do I Understand His Makeup?”

Reflection Questions
– What shaped the man I love 
– What did he never receive 
– What did he learn too early 
– What did he learn too late 
– What burdens is he carrying that I’ve never acknowledged 

Scripture to Sit With 
Proverbs 20:5 
“The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters…”

List three things about your husband (or future husband) that you now see differently after doing a “living autopsy.”

3. FOR WIVES: “Am I Aligned With God’s Order?”

Reflection Questions
– Do I trust his leadership 
– Do I support him or compete with him 
– Do I speak life into him or frustration at him 
– Do I create an atmosphere where he can rise 

Scripture to Sit With 
Ephesians 5:22–23 
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands…”

Write one area where you can soften, support, or shift your posture this week.

4. FOR SINGLE WOMEN: “Am I a Wife in Spirit Before I’m a Wife in Title?”

Reflection Questions
– Am I living like a wife or like a placeholder 
– Do I carry the fruit of a wife or the habits of a girlfriend 
– Am I preparing for covenant or settling for companionship 
– Am I emotionally, spiritually, and mentally choosable 

Scripture to Sit With 
Proverbs 18:22 
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing…”

Write down the qualities of a wife you already carry — and the ones you need to cultivate.

FOR MOTHERS: “What Am I Teaching My Sons and Daughters?”

Reflection Questions
– What version of womanhood are my daughters learning from me 
– What version of manhood are my sons learning from me 
– Am I modeling healed communication 
– Am I modeling honor, softness, and spiritual alignment 

Scripture to Sit With 
Titus 2:4–5 
“…teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children…”

Write one thing you want your children to learn about love by watching you.

6. TRANSFORMATION: “What Change Must Begin With Me?”

Reflection Questions
– What must I release 
– What must I renew 
– What must I repent for 
– What must I rebuild 
– What must I surrender 

Scripture to Sit With 
Romans 12:2 
“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind…”

Write a personal declaration beginning with: 
“I am changing the atmosphere by changing me.”

7. PRAYER OF ALIGNMENT

“Father, reveal the parts of me that still fight, still fear, still control, and still protect. 
Teach me to take my gloves off. 
Heal my heart so I can see clearly, love gently, and walk in Your order. 
Make me a woman who builds, not breaks. 
Prepare me to be a wife, restore me as a wife, and strengthen me as a mother. 
Transform me so that my home, my relationships, and my future reflect Your design. 
Amen.”

Change does not begin with the man. 
Change begins with the woman who is brave enough to examine herself. 
Your healing is the seed. 
Your posture is the soil. 
Your transformation is the atmosphere. 
Take your gloves off, and let God do the rest.